Well, here I am at 5'7 and 278 pounds, a walking, living, breathing mound of fat layered on top of a thin person. Well, not walking so much these days, as my knees are shot from the excess poundage for 10 years. Yes, I have ruined my knees, my health, my chance to move freely and enjoy this one life I have been given. Why? For a brownie. Yes, for one brownie I traded my soul and my happiness. If you are thin you might think that is ridiculous. If you are fat you know the sense of sheer desperation and loss of all sensibility when you smell a warm, freshly baked, rich, chewy, fudgy brownie. Ahhhhhh, yes, a hot brownie with a glass of skim milk. Did that one brownie make me fat? Well, technically no. But it is that one moment, that split second when one decides that a brownie is worth whatever consequences it brings... it is the hundreds of times in ten years when one brownie does not seem all that harmful... it is the accumulation of 500 brownies, 300 Big Macs, 700 Cokes, 800 chocolate chip cookies, 150 slices of cheesecake... over a ten year span, that got me to where I am. Each instance is small. Just one brownie. Just for today. Add them up and you get to be 130 pounds overweight. In each and every instance, I chose a bite of this or a taste of that for my health and happiness.
I never understood the saying, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Of course it does!!! How could being thin compare to the deep dark chocolate taste in a slice of Triple Chocolate Cheesecake?? Or a plate of bacon/cheese smothered french fries drenched in salt and dunked in ranch dressing???? Being thin could not POSSIBLY compare to the ecstacy of eating those foods. But suddenly, recently, I had a revelation. It is not that 5 minutes of standing around hungry being thin feels better than shoving fantastic, greasy, near-orgasmic foods into my ever-waiting mouth. It is that 5 minutes of ecstacy in eating WHATEVER delights I can imagine, is no comparison to an hour, a day, a year, a lifetime of being healthy and alive, being able to run and play with my kids, being able to ride a horse or roller blade or fit in a normal size lawn chair without collapsing it. No brownie, no PLATE of brownies, no chest full of chocolate cheesecakes can compare with the opportunity to walk down the beach with my family and to live long enough to see and know my grandchildren. No cookie or Big Mac is worth being stuck in the house, immobile with bad knees, and knowing that my kids are embarrassed of me when I come around their friends. It is not worth it. Feeling miserable and being immobile is too high a price to pay for that brownie. I am not going to live this way anymore.
4 comments:
Again, my same thoughts. The temptations may not be identical, by just as tenacious. After much deliberation of the above, what I finally came up with is this, "You just have to want it bad enough." You have to want your health more than you want anything else, and I do mean anything. I decided that my health is just as important as anything else, and most of the time, even MORE important. After much research, I decided that it was my choice, I am the one who chooses to either stay this way or do something about it. When I told myself this, it didn't sound as difficult because I realized it was all under my control. I decided, I chose. When I realized this, it sort of gave me a sense of power. I started to look at unhealthy foods with disgust. I would look at it and say, "How disgusting, you are what is trying to take my power from me, and I won't allow it."
You are well on your way, if not already there, on your quest to take back your power. Once that is accomplished, you are on your way, an exciting journey to success!
WOW!!! That really spoke to me. Such powerful words so clearly from your heart. I will be a faithful reader! And I want to join you on your journey if I am invited!
I'm bawling right now! I so understand what you are saying! Thanks!
I just found your blog and I had to come back to the beginning to see where it all began. Congratulations on 60 pounds gone! A tremendous achievement. I'll bet it feels a whole lot better than a brownie.
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